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Don'T Play Games With People.

2010/10/30 9:40:00 29

Case: the pony is a sincere and kindhearted young man who works hard.

But the leader recently talked to him, prompting him: "even if you are not satisfied with it, you need to install it." the pony feels very depressed: "this is not forcing me to play on the stage. I prefer to show my true self to the leader, which is precisely my leadership.

respect

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From then on, the pony felt that the leader did not understand him and began to despise his leadership in his work.

The leader also noticed that he often gave him a cold shoulder or threw some difficult things to him.

The pony finally resigned and left.

Lin Zi, a senior psychological counselor at Shanghai Lin purple psychological counseling center, said that not only new young people entering the workplace, many qualified professionals are often trapped in this "play" mentality, but they are reluctant to do so.

At this point, we need to adjust our understanding.

Workplace

Most of the interpersonal relationships are just work relationships, because there is no time to build safe interpersonal relationships that we pursue, nor do we have the energy to manage them.

exorbitant demand

The sincerity between people, like a pony in a case, is actually a child's interpersonal model of his parents, because parents believe that honesty is good.

But in social interaction, the pattern has changed.

When we have a social role, the society has expectations of our role, so we must act selectively so that we can show respect.

If you use the family relationship mode to the unit, you will break the role expectation, and the leader will certainly be uncomfortable.

In today's society, insecurity between people is growing.

In order to facilitate the life and work, we need to establish certain connections, but we are afraid of being hurt in the process of communication, so it is normal to have psychological protection mechanism.

We can treat all kinds of relationships selectively, avoid excessive emotional involvement and protect ourselves.

But if it is always so defensive, it is "personas", which shows that the person is disturbed, anxious and depressed.

The essence of interpersonal relationship is their relationship with themselves. They are afraid of self expression because of their low self acceptance.

Lin Zi said, "acting" has four situations and needs to be treated differently.

The first is only in the near future. It shows that only one person is at ease. There is no energy to deal with anyone.

The second one is for a long time. For example, a journalist is introverted, and every time he comes back from interviews, he feels frustrated. It is obvious that his personality is different from his job. He should consider changing his job.

The third is social phobia, fear of communication with others, so when you have to communicate with others, you will force yourself to install.

The fourth is that there is always a sense of inner loneliness. He wishes he could be accepted 100% by the outside world, but he always felt that he could not find a friend, so he had to accept this sense of loneliness.

There is always a part of the human inner world that can not be understood and examined 100 percent. It should not be allowed to feel this way. This is not a mistake. It needs to adjust its cognition of this aspect.

"Acting" is very tiring. If you live in such a mask, you will be more tired. Lin said, if a person feels very tired, he should be aware of his support system. He should look at his interpersonal relationship. If every relationship is utilitarian, it ignores the needs of internal emotions. It should explore its own needs and satisfy them. People have different needs, while "acting" only satisfies one kind of demand functional demand. People should learn and satisfy their emotional needs in family, friends and family, so as to balance personality and reduce emptiness outside of "play".